Theodore Roosevelt said “ Comparison is the thief of Joy”.
It’s so true, because making comparisons takes us out of what’s here right now, and into the past, or into someone else’s life as a benchmark of where we think we should be, or of what we should be enjoying.
I’d add that it also steals the possibility of fulfilling our true potential, which is actually where real Joy happens, when we are fulfilling our greatest expression in the world.
Contrasting where you are today with where you think you should be, perhaps where you expected you would be by this stage, leads to despondency and feelings of frustration, sadness, hopelessness or futility.
Often the vision we have for ourselves is unrealistic, or it was a vision that somebody else instilled in us as the goal we should aim for, in order to feel successful or complete. Parents, teachers and other role models have often sown seeds within us that we haven’t examined to decide if it’s what we really want for ourselves.
Those comparisons rob us of our ability to enjoy and appreciate what we have created. They also block us from accessing our natural ability to create the things we’d love to have in our lives.
Here’s the thing – Feelings drive actions.
Feelings of sadness, incompleteness or unworthiness arising from our comparison of where we are to where we think we should be, drive actions to avoid those feelings – into distractions like TV bingeing or into excesses with food, alcohol or shopping to nurture our wounded spirit.
And of course while these give us a short term dopamine hit that makes us feel better, we know that those actions are not leading us to create the things we want, and so those behaviours will often have us beating ourselves up further, compounding the sense of failure brought on by making comparisons in the first place.
On the other hand, connecting with a vision of what we truly want for ourselves, what our heart yearns for, drives actions that are most likely to lead us to create those things for ourselves.
If you really connect with the picture of what you want for yourself, the path towards that becomes clear, one step at a time.
You’ll do things that are uncomfortable, challenging or scary, because your connection to what you’d love for yourself drives you to do what’s necessary to bring it into reality.
At each stage, you don’t make comparisons to anyone else’s journey, because you’re busy getting on with your journey; you understand that what’s true for you is all that matters. In that state, you access both your powers of executive function to solve problems and rise to challenges, and your creative ability to tune in to the next perfect action for you to take.
We all have those powers within us – knowing that and knowing how to access those powers is key.
Let me know if you’d like more information about accessing your true power!