A new client has been reading my blogs and asked about one I wrote a few weeks ago – Your focus creates your reality
She asked for examples to help explain it, because “If I was creating it, why would I be making the crappy things happen in my life”.
So, an example from my own life – where I have the most experience and obvious evidence of the ways in which I’m creating what happens!
Yesterday, my husband offered to help me collect something, and he needed to take my car.
He went to the spot where we leave our keys and said “But where are your car keys?”
My first thought was “Oh no – where did I put them down?” It’d been a busy morning and I can put them anywhere when I have ten things on my mind.
Then he said “The spare set aren’t here either”.
I was about to give myself a hard time for not putting my keys where they belong, something I promise myself I will always do – a promise I most fervently make when I am searching for them because I need to head out the door for an appointment….!
I can beat myself up for being disorganized or worry about what’s happening to my memory. I did that, for a moment.
But I decided to focus on what I wanted. I focused on finding the keys so that he could do the task he’d offered to help me with, and I’d have the time to do what I wanted.
When I did that, I walked towards where he was standing and saw the keys on the cupboard to the left of the door, instead of to the right where I’d normally put them.
If I’d been focused on how disorganized I am, I’d have started retracing my steps – trying to have an organized approach while berating myself.
“Did I put them in a coat pocket? What did I have in my hands when I came in the door…did I put bags down on the hall table….?”
I could have easily missed seeing them where they were, as my mind was at the other end of the house.
So…phew…found them, all good, end of story…?
Not quite….As he headed off, I noticed that the spare set were in the carved African bowl where they’re supposed to be.
I started to think about the problems my husband caused me by not looking properly….then stopped. And focused on how helpful he is and how I want to be connected to him rather than trying to change him.
All of this happened in the space of about 3 minutes.
How many of those moments occur in a day? And how many times do we put down our keys (wallet, glasses, phone…..)
How many interactions occur in a relationship that can end up in grumpy distance or warm connection?
It’s not about making sure you ALWAYS put your keys in the right spot. It’s a good idea, but having a rich life doesn’t mean we have to get it right all the time. It’s not possible anyway and the attempt to be perfect creates misery.
Focusing on what we want creates much better outcomes.
It helps that I spend a few minutes every morning consciously focusing on what I want in my relationships, my health, my work, my home…
So that when those keys aren’t where they should be, or whatever, I could go into my habitual critical thinking, but when I remember what I committed to in the morning, I bring my focus back to what I’d love to have in my life.
Do I create some crappy things in my day? Absolutely! But I know now that if I can focus on what I love and take steps towards that more than 50% of the time, I’m creating more of what I love than what I don’t.
What’s working for you to bring more of what you want into your days? I’d love to hear.