It takes two to tango. I have heard that often in response to the challenges of trying to communicate or work with someone who wasn’t receptive to the efforts made.
It can be understandable in these situations to give up, and either settle for a less than fulfilling relationship, or to disconnect from that person.
It can happen in workplaces, where you might feel that you’ve made efforts to communicate effectively with an employee, a colleague, a boss…and you’ve given up.
You might settle for terse or difficult communications or find a third party to work through. You might give up on a project or a dream you’d like to bring to fruition that you feel isn’t supported.
Knowing when to persist and when to let go is helpful, to save us wasting our efforts. Our time is precious and there is so much to do in every day. The clearer we can be about which efforts are going to take us to the outcome we want, the greater our likelihood of achieving that outcome. But we can also underestimate the power we have to bring about change in a relationship or in a group.
Yes it takes two to tango. But are you waiting to be asked or will you be the one to ask someone to dance with you?
We often resist the steps needed to achieve what we want. We can fear rejection and failure. Unconsciously we can imagine if we don’t go there, we haven’t failed. But every day that we don’t take action towards what we want is a message to ourselves that we can’t have what we want.
So you can ask someone to tango. They might say no. You know that at least you tried. But you might also reflect on another way to ask. Maybe the other person is fearful of failure. Or feels awkward with something unfamiliar. How can you help them to be more curious or interested in tangoing with you?
Perhaps there’s someone else out there ready to tango with you but you’ve been stuck looking at the one you think it has to be.
And maybe you’re unconscious of the parts of you that think you’re not really up to it. There might be a theme running below the surface that’s telling you you’re not strong enough or capable enough. Or you can’t have what you want so it’s safer to settle for what you think you’re allowed to have. None of which is true.
If a dream of what you’d love comes to you, you have the capacity to bring it into reality. It may seem huge and perhaps even unachievable. But like all great ventures, it is achieved one step at a time. The people who are passionate about saving forests might start with talking to one person, then another, then organising a meeting, an online group, preparing a protest, choosing a site, going to the hardware, buying a chain, driving to the site and choosing one big old tree….
Someone wanting to find a new relationship might have a look at dating sites, set up a profile…. Or join a bookclub or a walking group….or buy or borrow a dog to take to take on walks. Apparently that’s one of the great ways to meet new people and get to know them – in relaxed settings, while watching two dogs running around a park. Best you like dogs if that’s your strategy though! You may not achieve your goal with the first step you take.
The key is to know that you have the power and the capacity to create something you want, even when it involves other people. Like learning to tango, it involves having a vision of how you’ll dance at the end, then taking one step at a time. Let me know if you’d like help to uncover what your next steps are….