Do you sometimes feel like you have no choice? That life/your partner/your boss have delivered conditions which you must meet, with no say in the matter?
If you said ‘yes’, you’re probably human. It’s common to experience feelings of lack of autonomy or control over our lives.
In reality, we always have control over how we choose to react to circumstances.
Always!
A powerful book I read recently is Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” in which he writes
about his experiences in Auschwitz and other concentration camps. As a psychiatrist, he was
interested in what helped people to be more able to withstand the rigours of life in the camp,
with hunger, hard labour, beatings and countless daily humiliations to endure.
We can say to ourselves throughout each day “What am I choosing now?”
“I have to get up early for exercise” can become “I’m choosing to stay fit and healthy to make the most of my life”
“I’m stuck on a crowded train going to work” can become “I have time to meditate or to check in on friends or do the crossword”
“I have to do dreary tasks today” can become “I’m choosing to meet challenges which will help me to achieve my goals and to grow.”
“I have no money for what I want to do” can become “I’m so fortunate to live in a country where I have so much opportunity. I have the skills and determination to achieve my financial goals.”
Even the conscious question “What am I choosing now?” can awaken us to what has been driving us unconsciously.
Instead of reaching for a coffee/biscuit/cigarette/TV remote automatically, the question might reveal what our unconscious is trying to avoid.
Is there a difficult decision to be made? An awkward phone call to be make? A complex problem to be solved? An annoying task to complete?
Our animal mind seeks short term gratification and wants to avoid pain, so it’s often in charge when we make what we might call poor choices.
Our executive centre is prepared to manage short term pain for long term gain.
We can activate our executive centre at times when we are about to choose something we know doesn’t really serve us. It can help to begin by deferring the “reward”. We can say “Yes I’m going to have a coffee or a biscuit, but first I will make that difficult call”. This can remind us that we have the power to choose. It often happens that the urge for a sugar hit or to be distracted is not as strong once the challenging task is completed.
Choosing wisely is a like a muscle – it needs repeated stretching to grow stronger. New habits develop as our ‘auto pilot’ is deactivated.
So, for the sake or your health, wealth and wellbeing what choices will you make today?
Call me if you’d like information about how I can help you to make more of the choices which will help you to achieve your goals.