We all have them. The days or weeks where we just feel like things are too hard.
That no matter how we try to organise or motivate ourselves, we have a sense of not making progress.
Maybe you’ve even had that feeling “What’s the point of it all?”
When it’s challenging to drag one foot in front of the other.
Those flat times can occur for a number of reasons:
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We can be experiencing grief or resentment
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A plan or project may have gone awry
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We’ve experienced a financial loss or setback
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Challenges in a relationship seem insurmountable
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We can lose sight of a goal we’ve been striving for
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We can feel overwhelmed by too many tasks and don’t know which step to take next
And often we don’t even know why we feel this way.
What can be surprising is that these flat times can also follow a joyful occasion or some success in an area of our life.
The key thing for us to do is to examine our expectations.
We may have had some clear expectations:
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Once I finish my studies I’ll relax and enjoy my leisure time
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If I work hard I’ll become wealthy/gain the approval of ….
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Losing those kilos will make so much difference to my life
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If I do x for so-and-so, he/she will praise or appreciate me more
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I’ll feel satisfied when I buy a house/have a relationship/have a baby…..
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I’ll feel secure when I have $…… in the bank
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I’ll be happy when…….
Or our expectations may be quite unconscious and we don’t realise the impact they have on our actions and our responses..
If we have expected a certain outcome from our efforts, we can then compare what actually happens and become disappointed and resentful.
“After all that work I expected to get that job/raise/break/sale/praise……”
“Surely my efforts deserve more than “Thanks”?”
“Finally I’m a size 12 and still not in a relationship!”
“I supported her when she was struggling, so why isn’t she supporting me now?”
It is often not the events we experience or the actions of others that causes us to feel despondent. Rather it is the comparison of what we are experiencing to what we think we should be experiencing.
Our expectations can rob us of the opportunity to see what we have gained from an experience.
We can miss the gifts we have received, for example:
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A realisation that we don’t have to pursue a career that doesn’t inspire us
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An appreciation of making efforts for our own satisfaction, without needing the approval of others
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An understanding of our real worth beyond appearances and possessions
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An awareness that others have different values and needs to ours
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Learning to enjoy the present moment, as it is.
If we were to break down the expectations we have, we can see that they are often quite unrealistic, but it is this fantasy of what we think ‘should’ have been that blocks our appreciation of what is. Often we compare our real experience to something in our minds that is unreal, an image we don’t unpack to recognise what shortcomings that picture might have really meant in our lives.
When we let go of how we think things ‘should’ be, we are free to enjoy things as they actually are.
“Comparison is the death of joy.”
Mark Twain
Contact me if you would like more information on how to manage particular challenges you are facing.
