When a small child has a tantrum, they can scream, stamp their feet, curl up and hide, throw things….
A carer who is aware will often be able to recognise that the toddler is tired or hungry, or anxious about something.
In this context, the tantrum is not ‘bad’ behaviour to be curtailed, it is information. The toddler doesn’t know how to understand or articulate what’s happening for them and the frustration and overwhelm drives their behaviour.
We are not as far removed from our internal toddlers as we’d like to imagine. Our animal brain, the amygdala, activates the fight, flight or freeze responses when it perceives danger. And the only way to recognise that we are in those responses is to become aware.
Deepak Chopra says that awareness is all about restoring your freedom to choose what you want instead of what your past imposes on you.
I would add to that the importance of recognising that we are choosing how we respond all the time, even when we don’t feel that we have a choice.
But the first awareness that is needed is that of what you are feeling and how it is driving your actions.
You might be heading off to eat or drink because you’re unaware of feelings of anxiety or frustration.
You might be choosing to get lost in mindless activity becuase of fears around an important project you need to work on.
It doesn’t matter what’s happening, as long as you’re aware.
It doesn’t matter if you’re angry or frustrated or resentful, as long as you know you are.
Then you can take responsibility for managing those feelings.
You might decide to meditate, or go for a walk in nature. Or you might just sit with your breath for a few moments to slow yourself down, and allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling that’s unconscious.
After that, you have further choices available to you. Perhaps you will decide to express your feelings – by writing in a journal or speaking to someone you’re frustrated or angry with – or just someone who will allow you to speak and be available to listen. That expression can be enough to take you out of your animal brain and the fight or flight response so that you can connect to what’s happening underneath it all – words are powerful.
NOT being aware means you are trapped in a cycle of reaction and repetition of the same old patterns that are keeping you stuck. Maintaining the same old beliefs about the world being cruel or unfair or just hard to navigate.
I’d love to hear what steps you take to maintain your awareness. Or the habitual patterns you fall into that you’d love to change.